Conditional Love…it’s a vastly different concept than unconditional love. Yet, many love in the conditional and believe that it is unconditional. In fact they’ll be in deep conditional love. This clicked tonight as I was driving home.
Let me give you a little background to this particular thought process. A few nights ago I was out to dinner; and it was mentioned that the love was so great for another that should this person change the things that the lover needed them to, they would be with them all over again. They were talking on a serious level too. And the things they needed to be changed were specified as things that would be to the betterment of the beloved. Now at first glance this can sound beautiful. Imagine, to love someone so much that given a go with the right “circumstances” or “actions”they’d do it all over again. I’ll admit, it got me at first. I was like,”DANG! To have someone love me like that…” I deserve that type of love right? Of course I do! I have to tell you, I even cried about it a little.
Before you get sucked into the facade, let me tell you, I was WRONG!
I was out tonight cropping down my piece “Healing” and the conversation replayed in my head. Upon leaving FedEx Office, I decided to play my James Bay album on Spotify. I believe Scars was playing and it clicked. I DO NOT deserve that kind of love! I’ve HAD that kind of love. You know, the one where the guy watches you from a far for years and when you finally give him a chance he’s disappointed that you’re not the figment of his imagination that he thought you were. It leads to resentment and phrases like, “why can’t you just…”, “why don’t you…”, “you’re not who I thought you were” OR “who I wanted you to be.” I left that guy. He claimed to love me. Which I’m sure in his own way he did, but he wasn’t happy. Plain and simple, I wasn’t who he wanted me to be. I allowed myself to get a little lost in this. It was a bit suffocating actually. No sense in reliving the past. What I will tell you about it is that it’s NOT living and it’s definitely NOT the love I want for life.
I want the love that loves me for exactly who and what I am. I don’t want someone being with me and wishing I were different. So, you can miss me with the conditional. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t grow and that change isn’t inevitable. Both are healthy and in a relationship must be done together.
Once this hit me, I had to laugh at my silliness. How could I be so silly to cry over that. Instead I am thankful that I realized the conditions associated with this seemingly beautiful proclamation of love.
I feel that this is important to acknowledge and it may help one of you navigate out there.